She's my man
by TheGirlWhoFlew21
Summary: When 1088 miles sets Kurt Hummel and the love of his life apart, loneliness can be guaranteed. Kurt is a gay man, living in The Big Apple while his boyfriend is in Florida. What happens when one night the loneliness gets too much and, with the help of alcohol, he sleeps with his best friend, who is a girl? This is a story about confusion, hurt and heartbreak.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm back! It's been an eternity but I really needed to take a break because of school and shit. But well, here's the first chapter of a story I've been working on for a while. It is different, I know and I bet there's mostly Klainers reading my work so don't get scared off by this chapter! But yeah, this is what my story is about. Confusion and heartbreak. I really hope you give this a chance. I love you all and please tell me what you think by leaving a review!**

* * *

"Oh my god, I am exhausted." Rachel groaned as she got through the door.

Working late at a café, going to school and rehearsing for Funny Girl sometimes made her question if she had bit off more than she can chew.

"I thought Santana was covering for you today?" Kurt asked from the couch in their tiny apartment.

"She did." Rachel mumbled and hung up her coat before joining her best friend on the couch. "But rehearsal was really… intense today. I won't be able to speak tomorrow, I swear."

Kurt chuckled and shaked his head at her. "Oh, poor you, it must be so hard to be a Broadway star." He teased.

She slapped his arm playfully. "Fuck you."

"Rude." He pouted.

Rachel laughed and looked at him. He looked so cute and she could understand why his boyfriend, Blaine, always fell for that puppy face everytime he did it. Kurt was not only cute, but he was beautiful with his chestnut, coiffed hair, blue eyes and toned body. And the boy had quite the sense for fashion.

Rachel usually joked around with Kurt, saying that she has a crush on him, but lately she had began to ask herself if that was all it was, a _joke. _

She had to admit, she felt lonely. As soon as she left Lima, Ohio for New York she had broken up with her fiancé, Finn Hudson. He died two years later. It had taken her a year to get over that, she had never been so devastated in her life.

But a few months ago she had started seeing this guy named Brody, but he turned out to be a gigolo so that didn't last long. Since then she hadn't been on any dates at all, as she wondered if she was even meant to be happy. But lately she was starting to miss being close to someone.

That's all it was, her _crush_ on Kurt was just loneliness. That's all.

It had to be.

"Are you hungry" He suddenly asked. "I don't feel like cooking and since you almost set our kitchen on fire last time you did, how about we just order pizza?"

She snapped out of her thoughts. "Yeah, pizza sounds great."

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked with a frown. He had known this girl for almost seven years, he knew her inside-out, there was absolutely nothing she could hide from him.

"Yeah, fine." She lied.

"No, you're not. Talk to me." Kurt said and grabbed her hand. "You know there is nothing you can't say to me."

"I know." She smiled. "But I'm honestly just really tired. Can't we order pizza so I can go to sleep after?"

Kurt eyed her suspiciously. "No."

She groaned. "Kurt, come on! I don't want to talk about it."

"But I can tell that whatever it is, it's making you sad. You've been acting weird for months and I'm worried."

She sighed deeply and looked down at their hands. Somehow his pale skin tone complimented her, slightly darker, beautifully.

But what did she have to offer? Yes, she had been told that she was beautiful with her dark, long hair and thick bangs. Kurt always complimented her and he had been the one to talk her out of getting a nose-job in high school since she had a very jewish nose. And yes, she was thin and had a great figure but she also had a vagina, boobs and she was a girl. She had nothing to offer him.

Why was she even thinking about this? She was not crushing on her best friend. Not in that way.

"I'm just lonely." She admitted truthfully.

Kurt frowned. "Why? I thought you said that you were, and I quote: _so done with boys_, when you broke up with Brody."

"I know, but I guess I'm not. I just miss being close to someone, you know, in a sexual way. And no, I don't want to go out to a bar and get a one-night stand." She felt her cheeks heat up.

"I see." He nodded. She was impressed, he didn't judge her. "There are always male hookers." He said with a smirk.

She let go of his hand and slapped his arm again. "This time I mean it from the bottom of my soul, _fuck you_."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, Rachel." He shook his head. "I didn't mean to say that… it just slipped."

She huffed and got up from the couch. "I'm gonna go order some pizza now."

* * *

"But seriously, Rachel, I don't want you to feel lonely." Kurt said a while later, his mouth filled with pizza. "I wish I could help you."

"It's okay." She shrugged.

"No, it's not." He shook his head in protest. "Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, I know, I used to feel it a whole lot until I met Blaine."

Rachel nodded. "I know you did." She swallowed her last chew and then got up.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

She didn't answer until she came back, holding a bottle in her hand.

"Alcohol? Seriously? That's your solution?" He looked unimpressed.

"Yup." She said and sat down on the floor, removing the lid and took a long sip. "Want some?"

"I'll pass. Last time we drank, I ended up with a tattoo." He winced at the memory.

"A tattoo that looks pretty awesome on you and earned you lots of sex from Blaine." Rachel winked.

Kurt blushed. "Please, that was thanks to the tongue piercing."

"Oh right! You had a tongue piercing too!" She giggled.

"Don't." He hid his face in his hands. "Jesus Christ. Now I might just need some to forget that."

She reached out the bottle. "All yours, sir."

Kurt glared at her and then took a long sip as well. "Fuck, that is strong."

"Mhm." She smirked. "It's perfect."

"I didn't take you for a future alcoholic." He commented.

"Very funny, Kurt. I never drink." She said and took the bottle from him to drink some more.

"Right." He said and raised an eyebrow.

Twenty minutes later they had finished the first bottle and had already started on a second one.

"Fuck, Rachel. We have school tomorrow." Kurt said and took another sip.

"I know. We're screwed." She sighed.

"I'm so horny." Kurt suddenly said.

Rachel turned her head and looked at him with wide eyes. Well, that was certainly unexpected.

"Oh my god." She said and giggled. "You did not just say that!"

"Fuck you." Kurt murmured and looked away.

"No, but you can." She smirked.

_Okay, where the fuck did that come from._

She expected Kurt to laugh at her or call her disgusting but he didn't, instead he smirked back.

"Is that a challenge, Berry?" He asked in a suggestive tone.

Rachel didn't feel quite as suggestive herself, she mostly felt unsure. She had no idea where this was going and either way, Kurt had a boyfriend. But there was still something about the way Kurt was staring at her that made her feel slightly… aroused.

"I… don't know." She said and blinked in confusion.

He crawled closer to her and settled on his knees. He licked his lips. "In all honesty I've always wondered what it would be like to be with a girl."

"Kurt, you're… you're drunk." Rachel said with wide eyes.

"So are you." He giggled.

It was true. Her head was swimming and everything was starting to get blurry. "I know." She said and suddenly that was really funny and she couldn't stop laughing. Neither could Kurt as he laughed along with her.

As their laughter died down a comfortable silence settled between them, so did a tension that was begging to be broken.

Kurt was still very close to her face and Rachel really wanted to kiss those pink, delicious looking lips infront of her. So she did.

She leaned forward, slowly, giving both of them time to back out of it. But neither of them did, so eventually the gap between them closed as their lips touched. Rachel felt her lips tingle and she wanted, needed, craved more. Her hand found his face and she brought him closer to her and opened her mouth slightly.

And oh my god, he was kissing back.

His tongue found its way into her mouth and Rachel nearly moaned at the feeling. She brought her other hand up to his neck and grabbed onto his hair to bring him closer as she fell back and laid down on the floor with him on top of her.

He was an insanely good kisser and she could feel wetness pool in her underwear by just kissing him. _Jesus Christ_.

She wondered if he wanted to stop, if he would regret this is the morning, if he enjoyed it as much as she did. She didn't know and she didn't want to break away and ask, fearing that he would pull away and realize what the fuck they're doing.

Kurt didn't stop though, he kept going. He brought his hand up to cup her left breast and Rachel swore she was on cloud nine. Kurt moaned into her mouth and squeezed her breast which caused her to moan back, twice as loud. If she wasn't so drunk she'd be embarrassed by how vocal she was getting.

_Thank god Santana is staying with Dani tonight._

Rachel wrapped her legs around Kurt's waist and he ground down against her so she could feel how hard he was. Rachel froze on the spot.

Kurt Hummel, her gay best friend, was hard for her.

The thought spurred her on even more and she ground her hips up to meet his thrusts. It was a delicious friction against her soaking pussy and she wanted and needed more.

"Fuck, Kurt." She moaned.

He pulled away from her and stared down at her, his lips red and swollen. He looked so hot. He kept on staring, which made her nervous, what if she had totally turned him off now? Why did she say that? She mentally slapped herself repeatedly.

"You want me to fuck you?" Kurt slurred, his eyes were just as unfocused as her own which meant he was just as drunk.

"Yes." She nodded shyly.

His face broke into a drunken grin. "Alright, Rachel Berry, I'm gonna fuck you."

And just like that her shirt was gone. He quickly took off his own and Rachel gaped at the sight. She had seen him shirtless before but his toned stomach and arms never failed to amaze her. He kicked his shoes off so he could get his pants off, leaving him in his tight boxers, which really showed off his hard-on. Rachel had never seen him completely naked and from what she could see, Kurt was _big_.

She swallowed thickly. He brought his hands to her boobs, cupped them and slid his hands down her slightly toned stomach, feeling the muscles flex underneath.

"You're so beautiful, Rachel." He said sincenerely. He reached behind her to un-clasp her bra.

She felt her face heat up and she bit her lip. "I love you." She said.

"I love you too." He said, though it was obvious he meant it in a completely different way than she did.

His hands reached the hem of her pants and he ran his fingers over the button and zipper, not undoing them though, he cupped her sex through her pants and pressed down which made her lift her hips off the ground and thrust into his hand, desperate for friction.

"Oh my god." She said breathlessly.

"Fuck, Rachel, you're soaked through your pants." He said, looking amazed by it.

"Please, Kurt, please…" She begged.

Kurt nodded and undid her pants and slowly dragged them off, he threw them aside and then went for her panties. She lift her hips up so he could get them down. Now she was completely naked and felt very vunerable, her legs were slightly spread and the way Kurt was currently staring down at her pussy made her want to close them.

But once she tried he stopped her by placing his hands on her knees. "Don't, Rachel, you look… wow." He didn't know if he was grossed out by the sight or turned on. Maybe a little bit of both.

She whined underneath him. "Touch me, please."

He bit his lip and ran a finger down her slit, amazed by how well her body responded to his touch. She hissed underneath him as he did that repeatedly.

"Rachel, you're gonna have to tell me what to do." He said and blushed.

"Push a finger inside me." She said.

He did and she immediately clenched around him, screaming out in pleasure. He had to admit that he loved the sensation, he loved the strong smell of Rachel and he desperately wanted to feel her clench like that around his aching cock.

"Another one. Then move them in and out." She ordered.

Kurt nodded and did as she said, moving them in a slow pace. It was too slow, it was torture so Rachel took matters in her own hands and sat up, making his fingers sink deeper into her and she moaned loudly. She grabbed him by the shoulders and began to ride his fingers.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…" She kept saying over and over.

Kurt crashed their lips together, it was sloppy and he had no idea a person could get that wet, but he kind of fucking loved it.

Rachel brought a hand down and started rubbing her clit which caused her to make even more sounds.

"Kurt, I'm so close…" She whimpered.

Kurt carefully made her lie down so he could slip his fingers out of her, she whined at the loss of contact, he wiped them on his boxers before he removed them, exposing his leaking cock.

Rachel stared at it with wide eyes, she felt her mouth water. "Can I… Can I go down on you?"

He stared at her for a second. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, please, let me." She nodded furiously.

"Okay." He said and laid down.

Rachel walked over him. "Do you want to go down on me too?" She asked.

Kurt thought about it for a second, then shrugged. _What the hell_.

"Yeah." He said and grinned.

She grinned back at him and placed herself over his face in a 69 position. She looked at him for any signs of hesitation, when she found none she lowered himself so his mouth connected with her pussy. She moaned loudly when she felt him grab her hips and start licking her furiously.

For a gay guy, Kurt was really fucking good at this.

She remembered she was supposed to do something as well so she placed her lips around Kurt's cock, making him moan which created perfect vibrations onto her pussy. She sucked him and eventually took his whole length into her mouth. She had to stop for a second to force back her gag reflex, when she felt alright she began swallowing and sucking around him.

She was so close and she knew she would come if they didn't stop soon, but Kurt's mouth was so amazing and she wanted him to go on forever.

"Rachel, I'm gonna come!" Kurt warned.

She let his cock go and lifted herself off of him. She hurried to grab her purse, taking out a condom. She handed it to Kurt who nodded, his face soaked in her juices. The sight turned her on to no end.

"What do I taste like?" She asked.

Kurt stopped his movements and stared at her with dark eyes, he licked his lips. "Fucking amazing." He said in a hoarse voice.

He then rolled the condom onto him and crawled over to Rachel, hovering over her. He positioned himself against her and carefully pushed inside, he moaned, Rachel clenched around him so perfectly.

Rachel was a mess underneath him as he stretched her in all the right ways. "Move, please." She begged.

He nodded and started thrusting in and out of her, slow at first but soon he was literally slamming into her. They both moaned every time and Rachel brought a hand down to rub at her clit furiously. Both of them were so turned on they knew neither of them wouldn't last long.

"Kurt, I'm gonna come."

"I'm there with you, Rachel." He said. "Come for me, sweetie."

After one more thrust Rachel was coming, and she was coming hard. She screamed his name and clenched around him hard enough for Kurt to come too, her name on his lips. They rode out their orgasms before Kurt slipped out of her. He laid down beside her, both of them completely out of breath.

"Oh my god." He said.

"Yeah, something like that." She agreed and looked at him.

"Let's go to sleep, I'm so tired." Kurt said.

"Yeah, if I manage to get up."

Kurt stood up and helped her up. He wrapped his arm around her as they walked together into her bedroom, stumbling slightly. Once they got there Kurt threw the condom into the trash before joining her on the bed. She rested her head on his chest and he hugged her closely, soon enough they were both sound asleep.

* * *

The next morning Rachel woke up she felt… sticky. She felt disgusting. Everything smelled like sweat and body fluids, it was not a pleasant thing to wake up to. She sat up in the bed, rubbing her eyes. She yawned and looked around, the sun was shining through the window of the small room and everything seemed to be just fine.

Until she realized that she was naked. And that a sleeping, beautiful, messy-haired Kurt was lying next to her.

She gasped and quickly covered herself up with the covers, everything from last night hit her like a title wave.

She had had sex. With her best friend. Who's gay.

She quickly shook him. "Kurt!" She hissed.

He whined quietly. "What?" He murmured, voice thick with sleep.

"Kurt, seriously, wake up!" Rachel shook him harder.

"Fine, okay, okay, I'm awake." He sat up and yawned, stretching his back. Then he looked over at her, seeing her flushed face and naked body. Realization spread all over his face and his jaw dropped.

"Kurt-" Rachel said in an effort to calm him.

"Oh my god!" He blurted in a high-pitched voice. He looked terrified, like he had just seen a ghost or something. Rachel wanted to cry and could feel her heart beat faster by each second.

"I'm sorry." She said below a whisper.

"We had sex! Oh my god, how the fuck am I supposed to… Blaine! Oh my god, Blaine! How am I supposed to explain this to him?!" Kurt was nearly hysterical as he got up from the bed. He looked down on himself and realized he was naked. His face got flushed as he quickly grabbed a blanket to wrap around his lower section.

"Kurt-"

"No, don't say anything. I need… I need a shower." He said and hurried towards the bathroom.

Once he was gone she buried her face in her hands and let the tears fall. Tears of regret and disappointment. It had felt so wrong but yet so right, but of course Kurt didn't feel the same. What did she expect? That he would turn straight for her? That's ridiculous. She felt ridiculous and pathetic.

About 20 minutes later Kurt came into the bedroom again, dressed in black skinny jeans and a white Henley shirt. His hair was styled and he looked much calmer than he had a minute ago.

"Rachel…" He said and felt his own heart break at the sight of his best friend. She had obviously been crying, her red eyes told him so.

"No, don't." She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I get it, it…. It was a mistake."

Kurt frowned and sat down next to her on the bed. He took her hand in his. "Did you not want it to be a mistake?"

She didn't know how to answer that since she didn't even know the answer herself. "I… of course." She said in a small voice.

It was stupid, trying to fool her best friend. He could see right through her and he always had. "Rachel." He said more firmly. "Did you want this?"

She let go of his hand. "I need to take a shower. You should call Blaine." She said in a clipped voice and then walked out of the room.

Kurt frowned and watched her leave. Did she seriously like him like that? How could he have been so blind? It was kind of obvious now when you think about it but… he is gay, right?

Kurt thought back on the night before as he dialed Blaine. He thought about how much he had enjoyed kissing her and how he had absolutely loved the taste of her and being inside of her.

"_Goodmorning, baby."_

Kurt's thoughts got interrupted by the sound of his boyfriend's voice. He couldn't bring himself to say anything back, his thoughts were going crazy in his mind and he felt like everything he had ever known or thought about himself were slowly slipping away.

Was it even possible that he was straight for Rachel Berry?

"_Kurt? Are you there?"_

But he loves Blaine. He had always loved Blaine. He had always loved boys. He hadn't felt anything when he made out with Brittany back in high school, maybe last night had just been the alcohol talking?

"_Kurt?"_

"Hi, sorry, I kind of zooned out…" Kurt managed to say.

"_Oh, is everything okay?" _Kurt felt his heart warm up by how worried Blaine sounded. His boyfriend cared for him so much and always had. Kurt smiled a little but winced at the twist of guilt in his stomach.

"Yeah, everything is fine. How are you?"

"_Good, busy with work but overall I'm good. Just missing you a lot, I guess."_

"I miss you too." Kurt said, desperation visible in his voice. He really missed Blaine right now.

"_Kurt, you sound a little… are you sure everything is fine?"_

No, things were certainly not fine right now. But he needed to talk this through with Rachel before he could say anything to him.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything is fine." Kurt reassured him. "How's things in Florida?"

"_Good, very hot but good." _Blaine chuckled. _"Can't wait until you come to visit."_

"Me neither. Just a few months left."

Their original plan had been that Blaine was gonna join Kurt in New York once he graduated, but Blaine had gotten an amazing job offer thanks to his brother in Florida. So of course Blaine had to say yes since he didn't have a college to attend in New York. Kurt had been so worried that they wouldn't be able to make it because of the distance, but they were doing just fine and neither of them were worried anymore.

Except that Kurt was getting a little worried now, but it had nothing to do with distance.

"_Look, I would love to chat, Kurt. But I really have to get back to work, I'll call you later."_

"Yeah, do that. Bye, honey."

"_I love you, bye."_

"I love you too." Kurt said but Blaine had already hung up the phone. "Fuck."

Soon enough Rachel came back dressed in a short skirt, knee socks and a blue sweater. Her hair had been blown-out straight and her makeup had been done.

"Did you tell him?" She asked, lingering in the doorway, her arms folded over her chest.

Kurt shook his head. "No, I didn't."

"Why?" She sounded confused.

"Because I didn't know what to tell him exactly."

"Uh, that you sort of cheated on him?" Rachel walked forward and joined him on the bed. "It's the right thing to do."

"I know." Kurt sighed. "I just… what even happened last night? I- I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every minute of it. But I'm gay, right? I've always been gay."

Rachel felt a glimpse of hope appear in her heart. "Maybe… you're bi?"

"But I've never, ever been attracted to a woman in that way in my life." Kurt was frowning deeply, nothing made sense right now.

"Well, Blaine thought he was bi when he made out with me. He was drunk too, maybe it's the same for you, you just… you were just drunk." She said and offered him a strained smile.

"And how am I supposed to find out if that's it then?" Kurt sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Fuck, Rachel, this is so messed up."

She rolled her eyes and cupped his face with her hands, forcing him to look at him. "If we fucked last night, I'm pretty sure kissing me now won't hurt."

Kurt looked into her chocolate brown eyes and swallowed thickly. She was right. It wouldn't hurt, would it? Unless he actually enjoyed it, which he doubted. Blaine hadn't, so why would he? It was just the alcohol talking last night. Just the alcohol.

"Okay." He said and hesitated before leaning in slowly until their lips touched.

It was soft, sweet, tender, unlike yesterday. This time he could really take his time and _feel_ her. She tasted really good, minty from toothpaste and vanilla from her lipgloss. The sensation made his lips tingle and heart flutter in his chest. Just like yesterday he felt the need for _more_.

But this time he was sober and instead he opened his eyes and pulled away quickly. He felt scared, he felt like a straight boy discovering that he likes kissing other boys, only that his experience was reversed.

She was looking at him, waiting for an answer.

What the fuck was he supposed to say? He was _scared_. It felt like coming out all over again. And what was he supposed to say to Blaine? He love his boyfriend.

He opened his mouth to say something but all that came out was a tiny whimper.

"Kurt, say something." She frowned.

He swallowed thickly. "I don't know." His voice was below a whisper. "I don't know what I feel."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this one! And don't worry, in the next or the chapter after that there will be some Blaine.**

* * *

The next few days were awkward, to say the least. Kurt isolated himself in his room most of the time when he weren't in school, he didn't even pick up when Blaine called, neither did he come out to have dinner. All of this made Rachel feel very uneasy, thinking she had really screwed up their friendship.

They hadn't had a proper conversation since the kiss. Kurt had stormed off to his room and Rachel had heard him crying. She hated that she didn't know what he was crying about: the fact that he cheated on Blaine or that he has feelings for her.

She felt kinda sick to her stomach. She felt guilty and so damn stupid for what she did. She shouldn't have kissed him, she should have stopped since she was sober enough to. All of this had been a mistake, she knew it.

But damn it, now she feels closer to him than ever. At the same time as he feels more distant than ever.

She knows what he looks like completely naked, what it feels like to kiss him, what he looks like when he comes, how his moans sounds, how it feels like to have him inside of her and it was all she could think of.

For the past few days, all she's thought about is kissing him. It's making her feel like a teenage virgin who just had sex for the first time and who now can't give the poor guy a break. But they need to talk, they have to.

Rachel bit her lip and walked up to Kurt's room, knocking softly at the door. "Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"Can… can you please come out?"

"No."

Rachel sighed in frustration. "Kurt, look, I get that this is difficult for you but it's actually really difficult for me too. Can't you just come out so we can have an honest conversation about this? We are best friends for God's sake!"

She was answered with silence. Just as she was about to seriously yell at him the door opened, revealing a man who looked a lot like her best friend, yet a complete different person.

He had bags under his eyes, his hair was messy and he was wearing yoga pants. _Yoga pants_.

"Oh… you look like shit." She said.

That's not true, he looked beautiful. As always. But that probably wasn't the right thing to say.

"Thanks." He made a face and sighed.

Rachel bit her lip and was about to say something when he walked past her and sat down on the couch. "I'm sorry for shutting you out."

"I get it, doesn't mean it didn't suck, though." She sat down next to him.

"I've just never felt this way before." He looked at her. "Never."

Rachel bit her lip. "So… you did feel something when you kissed me sober?"

Kurt looked down at his hands and then nodded slightly, his eyes shiny with tears. "It's so confusing." He said below a whisper.

"I get that… but sexuality is fluid, you know? It isn't black and white. Sometimes it's gray, or purple, or blue."

Kurt smiled a little at her. "I know that." His smile fell. "But sometimes I wish it was."

"Really?"

"Yes, then I'd be gay. Or straight. I wouldn't be… confused."

"But-"

"I don't wanna hurt Blaine." Kurt turned to her. "I love him and I promised him forever. I'm not gonna break up with him."

Rachel felt the tiny hope in her heart fade, like a pang in her chest. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._

"Okay." She said in a small voice. "I d-didn't expect you to."

"Good." Kurt ran a hand through his hair. "But we're still best friends, right? I mean, this doesn't ruin anything?"

"No." She shook her head slowly, not meeting his eyes.

"Thank you." He pulled her in for a tight hug, closing his eyes and enjoying her warmth.

Rachel held back her tears, hugging him back and hoping he couldn't feel how fast her heart was beating.

"So, what do you say, should we watch a movie or something?" He asked as he pulled back.

"Sure." She forced a smile. "Sounds great."

"You can pick the movie while I go call Blaine back." Kurt stood up and walked out on the small balcony.

He felt terrible.

Like really fucking terrible. He didn't wanna hurt Blaine but he couldn't deny his feelings for Rachel, either. He had wanted to kiss her again, as soon as he saw her face. It's all he's been wanting to do lately. And it's seriously driving him crazy.

So the only solution he could come up with was simply to deny his feelings and pretend like they didn't exist.

Deep down he knew it wouldn't work, it was exactly what he had done when he realized he liked boys. And surely, those feelings are still very much present. But at the moment it seemed like the only thing he could do, and he had to do something, or else he'd lose his mind.

Once he had called Blaine and assured him that everything was fine, he returned inside. Rachel was sitting on the couch with the remote in her hand.

"Oh, you're back." She smiled a tiny bit. "I picked some random I bought a while ago but haven't watched."

"Oh, sounds great." He smiled and joined her on the couch, keeping some distance between them.

Rachel pressed play and the movie began. They didn't say a word to each other during the first twenty minutes. There was a weird tension between them, but neither one of them dared to speak up or try to break it. They just sat there with their eyes glued to the TV, and it worked just fine, until it didn't.

Suddenly the main character started having sex with her boyfriend.

Rachel bit her lip and tried not to blush as memories from her and Kurt's drunken night came back to her. She didn't dare to look at Kurt even though she really wanted to, curious if he was also blushing or if he didn't think of anything at all.

Eventually curiousity got the best of her when she heard Kurt breathe slightly heavier. She turned her head slightly and saw that he was sweating, his eyes dark and his cheeks slightly pink. His lips was parted and as her gaze dropped, she held back a gasp.

Kurt was rock hard and it was very much visible in those yoga pants.

Rachel could feel wetness pool in her underwear, despite her efforts not to get aroused. Kurt must have noticed her staring because he turned to her and their eyes locked. Rachel expected him to try to cover himself and be embarrassed or _something_, but he didn't do anything.

"You're…" Rachel blushed.

"I know." Kurt bit his lip hard.

Rachel chewed on the inside of her cheek as she looked at his pants again. She then looked up at his face again as she slowly inched closer to him. He didn't move, so she slowly trailed her hand over to his thigh. Again, he didn't move, so she then palmed him through his pants.

He gasped and out of reflex thrust his hips up against her hand once, his face flushed.

Rachel bit her lip and withdrew her hand. She slowly got off the couch and kneeled in front of him. She placed her hands on his knees and spread his legs.

Kurt didn't do anything, he just looked at her curiously.

Rachel licked her lips and grabbed the hem of his pants, tugging at them softly. Kurt lifted his hips slowly so she could slide them off and much to her surprise, Kurt wasn't wearing underwear.

His cock sprung free, hard and waiting to be touched.

Kurt looked scared at the same time as he looked excited. Rachel's gaze dropped to his cock, admiring its length and size. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was scared to move. So she just kind of sat there, looking at it.

"Rachel…" Kurt whined softly, barely audible.

Rachel looked up at him and then lowered herself over him and wrapped her lips around the head of his cock.

Kurt let out probably the sexiest of moans she had ever heard.

Being sober, everything was so much more real, it was so much clearer. Now she could really _taste_ him, really _feel_ him and really _hear_ him.

She swirled her tongue around it and sucked softly before sinking down a little further.

Kurt moaned and placed his hands on her head, tangling his fingers in her hair.

She sunk down all the way to the base. Her eyes watered and she gagged slightly, forcing herself to relax her throat. She swallowed around him and then started bobbing her head up and down.

Kurt moaned and whimpered, shutting his eyes and leaning back. This felt so wrong, yet so right. He tried to pretend it was Blaine but it wasn't Blaine, it felt so different from Blaine. It wasn't better, or worse, it was just different. All he could think about was Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. He opened his eyes and looked down at her, it made him even more aroused. Watching her take his cock, all of it, so good.

This was definitely not what he thought would happen. But fuck, that movie had brought back every single memory and it turned him on to no end. He just craved Rachel like he craved cheesecake when he felt sad.

"Fuck, Rachel, _ohmygoooood_…" He threw his head back, urging her with his hands in her hair. She moaned around him, creating perfect vibrations.

Rachel kept going and going and going, faster and harder until he couldn't think straight and just when he was right on the edge, she grabbed his balls and squeezed them. He screamed as his orgasm hit him and he came down her throat.

And he just kept on coming and coming and coming.

Eventually it was over and he fell back on the couch, panting and sweating.

Rachel sucked him clean before pulling away. She wiped drool off of her chin and sat down next to him.

"Oh my god." Kurt buried his face in his hands.

Rachel licked her lips. "I know."

* * *

They didn't talk about what happened that evening. They just went on, pretending like it hadn't happened.

But it had happened. And while Rachel enjoyed it very much, it hurt her. Because Kurt was looking at her like she meant nothing to him (romantically) and she was starting to wonder if it was the sex Kurt was attracted to or if it was her.

It happened more than once. The second time was three days after, but it was just a hand job. The third was a week after that, and it was Kurt who went down on Rachel. The fourth was Kurt finger fucking her, and the fifth was Rachel who went down on Kurt again.

They kept that up for a long time. They did it in silence (except for the moans) and didn't discuss it after. They never had full on sex, it was just handies or oral and they didn't kiss. And although they were closer than before physically, mentally they were miles apart. But it felt too good to stop.

Until one day when Kurt reached down her panties, Rachel held back a moan and stopped him. "Kurt, stop…"

Kurt pulled back and looked at her in confusion.

It was a month later and Rachel was getting seriously tired of having her heart broken again and again.

"We need to stop this." She sighed, ignoring her throbbing sex.

"Why?" Kurt questioned, even though he knew she was right.

"Because it hurts too much, okay?" Rachel snapped. "You know I'm-" She sighed in frustration. "-that I like you and I get it, you don't feel the same! You love Blaine and that's fine, really. But don't get intimate with me and then look at me like I'm just your friend! I don't want to be your fuck buddy, it hurts too much. If you do this because you miss being close to someone, then go out and sleep with someone else. It couldn't possibly be worse, you've already cheated on Blaine multiple times this month."

Rachel's words penetrated Kurt's heart like a sword. He felt ashamed of himself and he had too look away.

"You're not gonna say anything?" Rachel's voice was shaky and thick with emotion, and her lip was quivering.

"I… I can't." Kurt stuttered. "I don't…"

He shut his eyes to compose himself and then tried again.

"I don't know what I'm doing." He whispered, tears stinging his eyes.

"Neither do I." She said sharply. "I have to go, I have rehearsal."

Rachel stood up, grabbed her coat and left.

Kurt started crying hysterically and fell down on a floor and just laid there in a fetal position. "I can't do this, I can't…" He cried.

He felt sick with himself. He could imagine Blaine's face, see the heartbreak in his eyes if he finds out. How could he have hurt the person he loves more than anything so bad? He'd lose him forever.

He didn't know he had it in him, people who cheated disgusted him and he couldn't understand it or even imagine himself doing it. But he had. It scared the hell out of him as it meant he wasn't who he thought he was.

And wasn't he supposed to know himself better than anyone?

He could feel his lunch rise in his throat along with the guilt and he just couldn't take it.

He barely made it to the bathroom before he threw up. He kept on gagging until he had nothing left in him. Until his stomach was as empty as his heart and the only thing he could feel was the throbbing in his head.

He collapsed on the cold floor, tears streaming down his face.

He was startled by his phone ringing. He sat up and dried his tears, forcing himself to stop sobbing as he crawled to the livingroom to get his phone.

"Hello?" His voice came out hoarse and small.

"_Kurt, kiddo, are you alright?"_

Kurt nearly let out a sob at the sound of his dad's voice. How he missed him and needed him right now.

"Dad!" Kurt burst out and started crying again. He felt like a child, but he couldn't stop the tears even if he tried.

"_Kurt, what's going on?" _The concern was visible in his dad's voice.

"Everything, dad! Everything and I can't… I can't do it! I'm such an idiot, such a jerk! I can't believe I… I…" He choked on a sob.

"_You can't believe what? Kurt, you're kinda freaking me out right now."_

Kurt took a few deep breaths and forced himself to calm down enough so he could speak. "I cheated on Blaine." He whispered, feeling sick with himself all over again.

His dad was silent for a long time on the other end. _"What? Why in the world would you do something like that?!"_

"I… I don't know! I was drunk a-and it just h-happened!" He put his phone on speaker and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes to stop the tears from falling.

"_Kurt, I've told you to drink responsibly! Do you even know who the guy was? Did you use protection?"_

Kurt let out a breath. "It wasn't a guy… it- it was R-Rachel. And yeah, I used protection."

Once again, there was silence. _"Wait, what?" _His dad sounded genuinely confused.

"I slept with Rachel and I remember every bit of it! I was sober enough to stop but… I didn't want to. And I haven't told Blaine, I can't, it's gonna crush him! And Rachel admitted to having feelings for me and I just… I don't know what I'm feeling!"

"_Kurt, calm down a little, alright?" _His dad said gently. _"Maybe you were just drunk."_

Kurt shook his head even though his dad couldn't see him. "No. I kissed her sober and I felt these… things. Like I didn't wanna stop and things has happened after that, dad. I- I don't know. I've never been with a woman before, I've never been attracted to one. It's always been men! And I love Blaine, god, I love him so much!"

His dad sighed deeply. _"Oh, Kurt. You need to tell him."_

"I can't! I can't do it, I-"

"_Kurt!" _His dad interrupted. _"You can't keep this a secret, because you know he will find out eventually and then it _will _truly crush him! Secrets like these always get out somehow."_

Kurt didn't say anything, his thoughts were going crazy.

"_I know you are a good kid, Kurt. Hell, I raised you for God's sake. I trust you to do the right thing."_

Kurt eventually sighed. "Yeah, I know. But… I want to wait until I go see him next month. This is something I want to do face-to-face."

"_I understand that, but don't drag it out any longer than that, alright? It will just make it harder to deal with and it will hurt more."_

"I won't." He bit his lip. "I just don't want to l-lose him." His voice cracked.

"_Well, you most likely will. I'm sorry, but you can't expect him to forgive you right away."_

"I don't think he'll ever forgive me, dad. He trusted me and I completely screwed it up."

"_You will make it right, I know you will."_

Kurt smiled ever so slightly. "I hope so. Thank you." He hesitated before asking: "Are you mad at me?"

"_I'm more disappointed. But I think you're beating yourself up enough so I don't have to add to that."_

"No, you really don't."

"_Alright, will you be okay?"_

"Yeah. Yeah, I will. I have to talk to Rachel… I'm pretty sure I hurt her too."

"_Okay, I love you, kiddo."_

"I love you too, dad."

* * *

"Hi, Rach, can we talk?"

"We don't have to, I know exactly how you feel." She snapped.

"No, you don't. Please just give me a chance to be honest with you and myself."

She hesitated for a moment before she sighed and sat down next to him, keeping her distance.

Kurt inhaled and exhaled. "Okay." He looked at her. "I do have feelings for you, Rachel, I don't know if they are as strong as yours, but they are definitely there. It's been freaking me out since we kissed on my bed a month ago and I haven't been handling it very well. But it doesn't matter that I freaked out because that is no such thing as an excuse for how I treated you.

"I had no right to make you feel used and like you aren't important to me, because that couldn't be further from the truth. You are one of the most important people in my life, Rachel, I knew you even before I met Blaine and you mean the absolute world to me. And I'm so, so sorry for hurting you and for making you feel the way I have. I'm not one of those guys who don't care about other peoples feelings, and I don't ever want to be one of them. This is so hard for me, but that's no excuse for me to act like a douche and I'm truly sorry. Do you think you could please forgive me? I promise I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you."

Rachel looked genuinely shocked for a good minute before a grin, so wide it could split her face in two, appeared on her face. "You just did." She inched closer to him and grabbed his hands. "Thank you, Kurt. I love you."

"I love you too, so much." He hugged her tightly and didn't let go for a long time.

"So, what are you gonna do?"

Kurt sighed. "I'm gonna fly to Florida, as planned, and I'm gonna tell him the truth. Even if that means I'll lose him."

"Kurt, I don't think you could ever lose him. He might need some distance and time to be able to forgive you, but I don't think it's gonna be a permanent thing."

"We don't know that. I'm just so afraid but I did this to myself and now I'm gonna have to deal with the consiquences."

Rachel squeezed his hand. "I'm here for you, always."

Kurt smiled watery. "Thank you."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt instantly relaxed as he felt two warm arms wrap around him. He was seated by his computer, staring at the screen. He could smell vanilla and he could feel soft hair brush against his arms as a small body leaned into him from behind.

"You booked your ticket?" Rachel asked and looked at the screen.

He let out a breath and nodded, feeling very uneasy.

"You're gonna be okay." She placed a kiss to his cheek.

"You don't know that. I don't know that. I feel like everything is gonna go so, so wrong." He said in a shaky voice.

The arms disappeared as she walked around him to take a seat in front of him on his bed, the computer between them.

"Why? It's Blaine."

"He was a boxer. What if he hits me? Or what if his brother beats the living crap out of me?!" Kurt's eyes widened.

Rachel raised an eyebrow, looking at him unimpressed. "Do you honestly think Blaine, your Blaine, would even as much as consider hitting you?"

Kurt looked down in shame. "No, of course not."

"Exactly. And do you think he would allow Cooper to as much as lay a finger on you?"

"…no."

"There you go. Don't be ridiculous, Kurt."

"I'm just scared, okay!" Kurt groaned in frustration and stood up, running his hand through his hair, messing it up, while pacing back and fourth. "I know I did this to myself, I know, and I know I have to deal with it. But I don't want to, I want to go back in time and undo what I did-"

He stopped pacing and looked at Rachel who was looking down, trying to conceal her hurt expression.

"I'm sorry, you know I don't mean it like that." He walked over and touched her shoulder.

She looked up, forcing a smile. "I know, don't worry."

He sighed deeply and sat down again. "I… I should start packing."

"Okay. Do you want help?"

"No, thank you. I kind of want to be alone right now."

She nodded and left him in his room by himself.

_Why the fuck did you say that, Hummel? You're about as smooth as sand paper goddammit._

He took a steady breath and walked over to his closet. He started taking all of his shirts out, placing them on the bed.

_The bed where you slept next to Rachel after you fucked her._

He swallowed thickly, ignoring the way his stomach twisted painfully. He threw the shirts on the floor instead. He studied them for a long time, trying to figure out which one would make him look the most sorry and which wouldn't give him away too quickly.

He picked up a black one with white birds on it. He made a face. That was definitely not the right one. He put it back and groaned in frustration. Eventually he just threw some randoms in his suitcase along with pants, socks, underwear and other necessary things.

When he was finished he was surprised by how easily he could close the suitcase. Usually he would have Rachel sit on it while holding onto some heavy books to be able to shut it, once he even broke the zipper. He supposed his sadness was affecting a lot of things. That fact made him even sadder.

* * *

Rachel stuffed her hands in the pockets of her coat as she walked along the pavement. She just really needed some air.

She would be lying if she said Kurt's words hadn't hurt her. But at the same time she knew what he was going through and she didn't want to make it even more difficult for him. They needed to stick together to get through this.

Still, Kurt's trip could change so many things. And she couldn't stop the _what if's_ from pressing into her mind.

_What if Blaine actually forgives him? Then there is no way he'll stay with me._

_What if Blaine doesn't forgive him? Will he stay with me?_

_What if Blaine gets really upset and blames it all on me?_

_What if Kurt turns on me?_

Her heart was beating faster and she had nervous knots in her stomach. Kurt was leaving in three days and would be gone for three weeks. How the hell was she supposed to go three weeks unknowing of what would happen once Kurt returned? She knew she would drive herself mad, thinking too much and worrying until she got sick.

She was just so afraid of losing Kurt. They were best friends, first of all. And even though they drove each other crazy most of the time, he meant the world to her and she knew she would never find someone like him. He was one of a kind, just like her. They were soulmates, in a friendship way. And maybe more… or possibly not.

It didn't matter.

It couldn't matter.

It shouldn't matter.

But she couldn't deny her feelings. She knew they'd go away in time if Kurt ended up with Blaine, but the heartbreak would almost be too much. She had already been through so much.

The October air was cold and she wrapped her arms around herself, watching as leaves fell off the trees. It was weird, how something that was dying could bring so much color and beauty to a city.

She stopped walking in the middle of the street, looking up at the gray sky. She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply.

Just as tiny drops of rain fell and landed on Rachel's face her phone beeped. She dug her hand into her pocket and grabbed it, reading the message.

**Rachel, could you buy some cheesecake on the way home? -K**

She raised her eyebrow.

**Cheesecake? Who died? -R**

**No one! I'm just having a craving. -K**

**Eating your feelings again? -R**

She got no answer and she rolled her eyes, knowing that was the case. Kurt always stuffed his face when he was worried or upset. _The only cure is cake, _like he said everytime Rachel gave him _the look._

Being the good friend she was, she stopped by the bakery and got Kurt's favorite cheesecake before making her way home.

She was thanked with a tight hug, a grateful smile and a soft kiss on her cheek. She would never admit how fast it made her heart pound.

* * *

Kurt was restless. He kept twisting and turning, not able to find sleep. The clock on his nightstand showed 2:24, it was less than six hours left until he needed to get up and drive to the airport. The past two days had passed by so quickly, it was already time for him to leave.

A month ago he'd imagine he'd be awake from excitement for meeting his boyfriend after so long. Not that he'd lay here with knots in his stomach, feeling like he's about to throw up.

Another hour passed by and he just couldn't take it any longer. He got out of his bed and put on a shirt before making his way out to the kitchen.

He walked over to the fridge to take out the last piece of cheesecake when he jumped at the sight of someone sitting by the kitchen table. He looked up and placed a hand over his heart.

"Rachel! Oh my god, you scared me." He stared at her with wide eyes. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep." She shrugged and stared down at the glass in front of her. It was dark red, like wine.

"Are you drinking?" Kurt frowned and walked over, sitting next to her with the cheesecake.

"So what if I am?" She said, and now that he was closer he could see how unfocused her eyes were.

Kurt bit his lip, wondering how many glasses she'd had. "Are you… okay?"

She mumbled something he didn't hear as she took another sip.

"Eh?" Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"No, I'm not." She sighed.

"What's wrong?" He asked and took a bite of the cake.

Rachel sighed and turned away from him slightly, obviously not in the mood to talk about it.

"Did something happen?"

"No, nothing happened!" She snapped and scowled at him. "Look, I'm just… restless and I needed to get my mind off of things. Just leave it alone."

Her sharp tone told Kurt not to argue, so he didn't press the issue further. He knew better than to argue with Rachel Berry.

"Okay, just know that I'm here if you need to talk."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks." She downed the rest of her drink. "Look, I think I'm gonna…" She pointed over her shoulder at her bedroom as she stood up.

Kurt nodded and was just about to take another bite of cheesecake as he was pushed off his chair and slammed against the wall, soft lips tasting like alcohol and vanilla on his, kissing him furiously and a cold hand slipping down his pants before he even registered what was happening.

Rachel wrapped her hand around him and began stroking him so fast it was almost painful, desperate to get him hard as she moved her lips from his to his neck, sucking so hard he was sure he would have bruises. She grabbed his hand and brought it to her right breast, massaging it with his fingers and moaning brokenly into his mouth.

Everything was happening so fast that it took Kurt a moment to cope with it all. He gasped and quickly pushed her away from him, her hand sliding out of his pants and his hand leaving her breast to grab her shoulder.

She was panting, looking at him desperately. He could see some panic flash over her wide eyes as she tried to get closer to him again.

"Rachel, what in the world-"

He was cut off by her kisses again but this time he was alert and pushed her off of him with more force. "Rachel, stop it!"

That seemed to wake her up and realize what she was doing. She slapped both hands over her mouth and inhaled sharply. "Oh god, I'm sorry… I don't know what…" She started hyperventilating and tears appeared in her eyes as she struggled for air.

Kurt was there quickly, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "Rachel, please talk to me." He whispered as he rubbed circles on her back.

"I just want you." She sobbed into his chest. "I'm so scared that you're g-gonna go there and…" She trailed off. "And when you c-come home you'll f-forget me. And I'll be alone."

"What? I would never forget you." He said in confusion.

She shook her head furiously and pulled away from him, digging her fingers into her eyes. "No, you don't get it." She kept shaking her head. "Stop… having _feelings _for me."

Kurt's face softened and he instantly felt sorry for her. He had been so busy worrying about what would happen in Florida that he had completely forgotten to think about what Rachel must be feeling. She must be hurting more than he was, she had been having feelings for him for so long and now when he was finally responding to them, she would have them taken away from her. Maybe for good.

"Rachel…" He whispered, feeling guilty for being so selfish. "I…" He couldn't promise her that he'd always have feelings for her, because he didn't know that for sure. He didn't even know what exactly it was he was feeling for her. For her it was most likely crystal clear, which must make it even more painful.

"No." She removed her fingers from her, now red, eyes. "Don't… I shouldn't be saying this, you have plenty enough to worry about. I'm sorry."

Kurt frowned and he grabbed her hands. "We are in this together, which means both of our feelings are equally important. Don't hold everything in just to make it easier for me."

She nodded slowly, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. "I just want you so much." She said in a choked voice.

Kurt bit his lip, he couldn't deny that he wanted her too. But it felt wrong to… do _that_ when he was leaving to see his boyfriend tomorrow.

He sighed deeply, he would do this for her. One more time couldn't make him feel any worse. So he brought her right hand to his pants again, allowing her to slide it down and feel him again. He shut his eyes and kissed her softly, relaxing and rubbed himself against her hand slowly until he could feel himself grow hard. He pulled away and looked at her.

Her jaw was slack and her brows slightly furrowed, she was clearly confused.

"What are you doing?" She whispered.

"I want you too." He whispered back. And then added, "Please."

She smiled softly and began stroking him again, their lips connecting. The air filled with breathy moans and heavy breathing and the sound of their heartbeat rushing in their airs. They switched positions so Rachel was against the wall and once they were completely naked, her legs wrapped around his waist as he held her up by her ass. The room filled with louder moans and the sound of flesh slapping against flesh. They kissed and kissed and kissed, and marked each other and moaned each others name until everything tensed up and they screamed out in pleasure, seeing stars. They were skin to skin, heart to heart and in that moment, everything felt so right.

As they pulled away from each other, their hearts beating fast and their heads clouded, they walked into Rachel's bedroom and fell asleep in each others arms.

* * *

The next morning when Kurt woke up, his body was sticky with sweat and other things, Rachel's legs tangled with his and her body draped over his, still sleeping soundly. He bit his lip and although he had some guilt for what happened last night, he couldn't bring himself to cry about it. It had felt too right and too amazing to be sad about and damn if that didn't make him feel even worse.

He looked at the clock on the nightstand, he seriously needed to hurry if he was gonna get to the airport on time. He carefully wiggled out of Rachel's grip and stood up. He went into the bathroom for a quick shower. He made a face at the bruises on his neck and covered it up with a scarf after changing into his planned outfit and styled his hair and then rushed his moisturizing routine.

He walked into Rachel's bedroom again, she was still asleep. He didn't have the heart to wake her up as he knew how painful it would be after what they had done. He wrote her a note instead and placed it beside her so she would see it for sure. He then placed a soft kiss to her forehead which caused her to smile in her sleep, with his heart aching slightly, he grabbed his suitcase and left the apartment.

* * *

Rachel woke up from the sun shining through the window, making everything too bright. She rolled over on her stomach, burying her face in the pillow, hiding away from the light. But even though the sun bothered her, her entire body felt relaxed and she felt happier than she had in days, weeks even. She smiled and looked up, expecting to see Kurt lying next to her. Her smile fell and she felt a pang in her chest once she saw that he wasn't there.

She sat up and put on a robe, before walking out to the livingroom. "Kurt?" She called out.

No answer.

She felt tears burning her eyes. _He couldn't have left without saying goodbye, he couldn't…_

She called his name more times and searched every room when she got no answer. She couldn't help the tears that was rolling down her cheeks when she noticed his suitcase was gone, along with his coat. She was full on sobbing as she returned to the bedroom. Only then did she notice the piece of paper lying on her nightstand.

_Rachel,_

_I left early and didn't want to wake you up. I don't know if that was the right thing to do, but you looked so peaceful and beautiful. I'm sorry if it made you upset._

_As you read this I'm probably on the plane, so my phone will be off. I promise I'll call you as soon as I land, though._

_Last night was amazing and I'm leaving with a heavy heart, you should know that._

_I love you and I miss you already, please take care of yourself while I'm gone._

_See you soon,_

_- Kurt._

Her tears were making the paper wet and the ink was starting to smudge but she didn't care as she hugged the note to her chest, and fell onto the bed in a fetal position. She cried until she didn't have any tears left to cry, she had no idea how long she laid there.

Eventually she sat up and wiped her eyes. She inhaled and exhaled a few times, grabbing her phone. She would wait for his phone call, and she would not be crying when he called.

Thank god she didn't have rehearsal today, because arriving with red and puffy eyes and a hoarse voice, being forced to sing and dance was not something she would be able to do.

* * *

Kurt's plane flight was hell. His heart was beating fast. He felt sick, and the disgusting plane food didn't make it any better. He tried listening to music, tried sleeping but nothing worked. He was way too nervous for his arrival in Florida. He had no idea what would happen and what to expect.

_He wouldn't fantasize, he wouldn't… he would only be disappointed._

Once the plane landed and he had his suitcase in his hand again he remembered to dial Rachel. She sounded fine, although her voice was slightly hoarse. He wondered if it was from all the moaning last night or from crying.

He really hoped it wasn't the latter.

The conversation was short and after she had reassured him that she was fine he hung up. He walked out of the airport and jumped into a cab. He thought about calling Blaine and letting him know that he would be there soon, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep it together if he heard his voice. So he sent him a quick text. He got an answer almost immediately and it almost hurt to see how happy Blaine seemed, even through text.

The Florida traffic was insane and Kurt was seriously losing his mind. And the fact that the damn cab driver tried to make conversation with him wasn't helping. Kurt didn't feel like talking in the slightest.

When he finally arrived outside of Cooper's house he was half an hour late and the knots in his stomach and become twice as many. He paid the cab driver and slowly walked up to the door. The house was massive and apparently had a swimming pool in the backyard. It was white and surrounded by flowers, very well taken care of, he could see. And he probably would have appreciated its size and beauty more if he wasn't so nervous he could barely stand upright.

With a shaky hand he rung the doorbell, his breath caught in his throat.

He could hear footsteps getting closer and with each one, his body seemed to tense even more. The lock unlocked and the door was pulled open.

He was face-to-face with the breathtaking boy he had been dating for four years.

He was pulled into a tight embrace as Blaine nuzzled into his neck, inhaling his scent and nearly sobbing at the relief of having him close again.

Kurt felt like sobbing too, but for a complete different reason.

"Kurt!" Blaine's voice was muffled against his shoulder.

Kurt blinked back the tears in his eyes. "Blaine."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here's chapter 4! Let me know what you thought :)**

* * *

"I can't believe you're here." Blaine's voice was muffled against Kurt's chest as he held onto him tightly.

Kurt felt a lump forming in his throat, making it hard for him to speak. "M-Me neither."

Blaine pulled away, and the way he looked at him made Kurt want to scream and tear his aching heart out.

Blaine's whole expression was filled with trust, genuine happiness and his tearfilled eyes were reflecting so much love Kurt thought he might burst, his entire was face _glowing_.

"I missed you so much." He said quietly before his eyes closed and he started leaning in slowly.

Kurt could only hear his heartbeat in his ears. Would Blaine notice that he had kissed someone else because he'd be kissing differently? Would he taste like vanilla? No, he had brushed his teeth three times this morning and used mouthwash. God, he shouldn't be worrying like this, he had been wanting to kiss Blaine for months and now he was finally going to. But it felt so wrong, he shouldn't be doing this. He should pull away before it's too late and tell him everything. That's why he's here: to tell him everything.

But all of those relatively sane thoughts disappeared as soon as Blaine's lips touched his.

And fucking hell, if he didn't kiss back.

He couldn't help himself. Blaine's mouth was magic and the way he cupped Kurt's face, as he kissed him deeper, made his heart flutter in his chest and heat rise to his face. He had missed this so badly: the way their lips slide together so perfectly, the familiar taste of _Blaine_, Blaine's touch, Blaine's smell, Blaine's _everything_.

Kurt really couldn't help the moan escaping his lips as Blaine's tongue slipped into his mouth and grazed over his teeth and massaged the roof of his mouth.

Blaine smirked against his lips and pulled away, his lips swollen and eyes slightly darker. "I want you so fucking much." He said, voice hoarse.

His words went straight to Kurt's cock, he just couldn't fight it. He was so desperate to be close to the man he loved. So he pushed all of the bad thoughts away and mirrored Blaine's face expression.

"I want you too." His voice came out much breathier than he thought it would, but it seemed to just turn Blaine on even more as he could feel something press against him as Blaine pulled him closer.

"Cooper won't be home until tonight, we've got time." He said as he pulled Kurt into the house and shut the door behind them.

"Oh- oh, god, _Blaine_." Kurt moaned as Blaine's lips attached to the part of his neck he could reach, sucking, kissing and licking furiously.

His fingers trailed up to the other side of his neck, trying to undo the scarf. Kurt then panicked a little, remembering the hickey Rachel had placed there the night before. He covered Blaine's hands with his own.

"No, don't take it off…" He said and kissed Blaine's knuckles.

"Why? I want to be able to-"

"I got stung by something. It looks really bad and I don't…" He lied and blushed furiously.

It was an awful lie, and the fact that Blaine trusted him enough to not question it made him want to cry.

"Okay." Blaine kissed him softly and then started tugging at his shirt. Kurt lifted his arms above his head so he could get it off.

Before he knew it they were on Blaine's bed and they were both very naked.

"God, I've missed you." Blaine's voice came out rough as he straddled Kurt on the bed, sucking on his jawline and licking below his ear.

Kurt was moaning and completely lost in the sensation, all guilt forgotten in that moment. He groaned as he felt Blaine's hard cock brush against his thigh. "Want you." He whispered against his ear.

He grabbed Blaine's ass and pushed him closer to him, their cocks rubbing against one another, making both of them moan desperately. Kurt slipped a finger between Blaine's ass cheeks, causing him to gasp and thrust his ass against him until his finger slipped inside.

"Fuck, Blaine." Kurt groaned and started thrusting his finger in and out.

"L-Lube, Kurt." Blaine whined. "I need… I can't…"

Kurt nodded and let Blaine pull away from him to get the lube from his nightstand drawer. Kurt coated his finger and then pushed inside him again, causing Blaine to let out a sound that was anything but human, but so incredibly sexy.

"More, I need more, fuck, _please_, I oh-" Blaine cried out as Kurt pushed another finger inside, scissoring them and thrusting in and out from different angels, trying to find Blaine's prostate.

Kurt smirked when Blaine nearly screamed as he brushed against the spot. He did it over and over until Blaine was practically sobbing, then he added a third finger.

"I need you. Now." Blaine breathed against his lips.

Kurt nodded and pulled his fingers out. Blaine sat up and got a condom which he ripped open with his teeth.

While he did that Kurt took a second to admire just how beautiful his boyfriend was.

His hair may have been a mess, but his red lips and dark eyes would drive him crazy any day. He had missed looking at him like this, when he could see _everything_. Blaine's toned arms, chest and stomach, the trail of hair that started at his bellybutton and surrounded his, now hard, cock. His tanned skin, shining with sweat and that desperate look in his eyes. Nothing could compare. Nothing.

Blaine placed the condom in his mouth before lowering himself down over Kurt's cock. He looked Kurt in the eyes as he positioned the condom and rolled it down with his mouth, sinking down to the base.

"Oh my god, _Blaine_." Kurt moaned, watching him with wide eyes.

Blaine didn't pull away from him once the condom was in place, he started sucking him, _hard_, while bobbing his head and swirling his tongue around the head.

Kurt threw his head back in ecstasy and moaned a bunch of nonsense until he could feel that familiar feeling, starting in the pit of his stomach and-

"Fuck, Blaine, stop!" Kurt grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him off of him. "Jesus christ, I nearly came."

"Oops." Blaine grinned and kissed him deeply.

"You ready?" Kurt asked when they pulled apart.

Blaine nodded and laid down on the bed, spreading his legs wide, smiling at him softly, his cheeks slightly pink.

Kurt felt a little sick with himself just then, because Blaine was so vunerable. Sure, they'd had sex a hundred times but that didn't mean it meant any less to them. Blaine's eyes were filled with love, trust and desire. He was completely exposed to Kurt, showing him how much he trusted him by letting him see and touch him like this.

He didn't know what Kurt had done, didn't know he had broken his trust, didn't know he had _cheated_.

"Kurt, please."

Kurt snapped out of his thoughts when Blaine spoke. He nodded and forced those thoughts away as he positioned himself against him and pushed inside slowly.

"Ohhhhh my god, fuck, ah- Kurt…" Blaine moaned and threw his head back, his cock now pressed between their stomachs.

Kurt pushed until he was all the way inside of him, then he stilled. "Are you okay?" He panted, trying desperately not to start thrusting. Blaine was clenching around him _so good _and he was about to lose every bit self control he had.

"Yeah, just, wait a little." Blaine breathed and looked at him, trying to adjust.

Kurt nodded and kissed him softly. "I love you so much, you know that?" He said because he needed Blaine to hear that.

Blaine's gaze softened and he smiled a little. "I love you too, Kurt."

Kurt kissed him again, a little deeper this time and Blaine wrapped his legs around Kurt's waist. "Please, move." He breathed beneath him.

"Yeah, okay." Kurt held himself up with his arms and then slowly pulled out before thrusting back in.

After thrusting in and out for a while Blaine started urging him on by placing his hands on his ass, speeding up his movements, and then Kurt knew he wasn't going to last long.

They were both moaning helplessly and his thrusts were getting rather frantic, his hips slamming against Blaine's ass so hard he'd leave bruises but Blaine wasn't complaining so he didn't stop.

"Fuck, I'm close." Blaine told him and Kurt thanked god, because he didn't know for how long he was gonna be able to hold it.

"Me too, me too…"

He sped up his thrusts even more and god, the noises they made were filthy but both of them were way too gone to care.

Soon enough Blaine's eyes rolled into the back of his head and threw his head back and screamed out Kurt's name, leaving pearly white streaks on their skin.

It never failed to amaze Kurt just how beautiful Blaine looked when he came. The way his lips parted, his eyes squeezed shut and the way he threw his head back, showing off his neck as he moaned out his name.

It was enough to throw Kurt over the edge and he came hard, thrusting in and out of Blaine harshly until he stopped coming, then he collapsed on top of him, panting.

"Oh my god." Blaine said breathlessly.

"Yeah." Kurt agreed.

"I missed that so much."

"Me too."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, Blaine."

* * *

Once they had showered and put on new clothes they went downstairs to cuddle on the couch in the livingroom.

"God, don't ever leave me again." Blaine whispered against his hair and wrapped his arms tighter around him.

Kurt swallowed thickly and ignored the way his stomach ached painfully.

Blaine fell asleep a few minutes later, clearly at ease and completely comfortable. Kurt was jealous, he wanted to sleep too, so he would forget, even if just for a little while, that he was a cheater.

But sleep wouldn't come, no matter how easily he usually fell asleep after orgasms, this time he just couldn't relax.

He was slightly startled when the door opened and Cooper's voice stirred Blaine awake.

"Huh?" He said in confusion as he rubbed his eyes.

_Adorable_.

"Oh, your brother is home." Kurt said just as Cooper made his way into the livingroom.

"Look at you two love birds! As long as you didn't have sex on my couch, I won't kick you out on the street."

"You weren't supposed to be home until tonight." Blaine said, ignoring what he had just said.

"Well, my stunt guy broke his leg so we won't be able to continue shooting until we find someone to replaced him. So, long story short, I got the day off."

Cooper was as handsome as ever with his strong jawline, sandbrown hair that usually fell back into his eyes no matter how many times he ran his hand through it. And his muscular body that was currently dressed in a t-shirt and jeans.

Yes, Blaine's brother was just as breathtaking as Blaine himself.

"Hi, Mr. Anderson," Kurt extended his hand.

"Kurt, we've been through this, you can call me Cooper." He said as he shook his hand and then pulled him in for a hug.

"Right, sorry."

Kurt still got a little nervous around him, he was an actor after all and nearly everyone knew who he was thanks to all the commercials he has starred in. And he was currently shooting some action movie where he played this very sexy secret agent.

Kurt may or may not have had a little crush on him before he met Blaine.

"Do you want lunch or something? We could order in cause I'm not feeling like cooking. I'm exhausted." He said dramatically and stifled a yawn.

"I was actually going to ask Kurt if he wanted to go out and have lunch," Blaine said and looked at him. "Would you like to?"

Kurt nodded and smiled a little. "Yeah, sure."

"Alright, just let me get my car keys and we can leave."

* * *

They drove to a small restaurant in the middle of the city. Surprisingly, it wasn't crowded at all. Perhaps it was because it was a little late and most people had already had lunch.

"This is nice." Kurt commented as they sat down by a table in the far back.

"I know, right? Cooper showed me this when I first came here and I fell in love instantly. I just knew I had to take you here as soon as you'd visit!" Blaine grinned.

Kurt swallowed thickly and busied his hands with grabbing the menu and reading it.

"Kurt, honey, are you alright?" Blaine asked after a while.

Kurt frowned and looked up, wondering why Blaine would ask that. That's when he noticed that his hands were shaking violently. He dropped the menu and sat on his hands.

"Uhm, I'm just a little… I don't know, the plane ride made me feel a little ill. But I'm okay, don't worry." He lied.

"Okay, you'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

"Yeah, of course." Kurt lied, feeling sick with himself.

"Good." Blaine reached over and offered Kurt his hand. Kurt took it and Blaine squeezed his hand affectionately,

Kurt shook his head a few times and pushed all the bad thoughts away so he could actually concentrate on his boyfriend, who he had spent months missing.

"Alright, let's order, shall we?"

* * *

The lunch was ridiculously romantic, it was like they were having their first date or something. It was all shy smiles, giggles and secret glances and a whole lot of blushing. Kurt listened with interest as Blaine told him about how things had been here in Florida. And Kurt was pretty sure he could listen and watch Blaine talk like that for the rest of his life if it meant that his eyes would light up and he would smile just like that.

Kurt told Blaine all about New York and how much he loved it, he didn't mention Rachel at all and he hoped to God Blaine wouldn't ask about her. Because Kurt wasn't sure he'd be able to keep it together if he did.

Once they had finished eating and payed they walked out on the street, hand in hand. It was a beautiful place. It was warm, the sun was shining and there was people everywhere. They were in the middle of the city so buildings were surrounding them, nowhere near the same as New York, but it still made Kurt think of home and, well, Rachel.

There was palm trees here and there and the sky was blue with absolutely no clouds.

"Is the weather always this nice?" Kurt asked and looked up.

Blaine smiled and shook his head. "No, the sun wasn't this bright until you showed up. You must be magic, or something." He winked.

Kurt blushed and chuckled softly. "That's ridiculous."

"Nope, it's true." Blaine kissed his cheek.

They turned left and walked through an alley. Once they got out of there the ground was replaced with sand. They had reached the beach.

"Woah." Kurt said with wide eyes as he stared at the blue ocean. "This is… beyond beautiful."

"I know." Blaine smiled and squeezed his hand. "Do you want to sit down?"

Kurt glared at him. "And get sand all over this outfit? I don't think so."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "I brought blankets, they're in the car. Just wait here and I'll be right back, okay?"

"Oh, okay." Kurt smiled and watched as Blaine jogged away to the car.

Blaine returned a few minutes later with a large blanket. He placed it on the sand and sat down, gesturing for Kurt to do the same.

Kurt did and Blaine wrapped his arm around him so Kurt could lean against him. They sat like that in silence for a long time, just watching wave after wave wash over the beach, making the sand wet.

Kurt was the first one to break the silence. "This is so peaceful."

"Yeah, it is." Blaine agreed. "This is also one of those places I knew I had to take you to."

"Yeah?" Kurt couldn't help smiling at that.

"Yeah. I'd come here sometimes and sit here for hours, the beach was usually empty by the time I left."

"I missed you so much, Blaine." Kurt said, his voice unsteady. He was getting emotional again.

"I missed you too, Kurt." Blaine hugged him tighter and kissed his head. "But you're here now. We're together. Everything is the way it should be."

Except it wasn't. Kurt's stomach ached painfully. Everything was so not the way it should be. He shouldn't be sitting there, allowing Blaine to hold him and kiss him. Because he didn't deserve it. He had done something terrible and he was such a coward that he didn't dare to tell the love of his life, who deserved to know more than anyone.

He had to tell him. He had to. He couldn't do this anymore. He should have told him right when he arrived, but he hadn't. It was time to face what he had avoided for too long.

"Blaine…" He began, pulling away and turning so he could face him.

Blaine could obviously tell something was wrong as he frowned and immediately grabbed Kurt's hand. "Yes, are you okay?"

Kurt swallowed thickly and looked into those gorgeous, concerned, golden eyes and felt his throat go so tight that no sound could escape him. "I… I…"

"Kurt, what's wrong?" Blaine frowned even more. "You're scaring me."

Kurt's lips parted and he shut his eyes but all that came out was a heavy sigh.

"I… nothing. It's nothing."

_Coward._

"It's obviously not nothing, you looked terrified. What happened? You know you can tell me anything." Blaine said, still squeezing his hand.

Kurt looked at him and nodded, forcing a smile that he hoped looked genuine. "I know, but it's nothing. I guess I was afraid that… You wouldn't love me anymore. That the distance had ruined everything. It was stupid, I know, because I can tell that isn't the case. I was just scared. That's all." He lied.

Blaine's face softened and he sighed, smiling a little. "Kurt. There will never be a time where I don't love you, okay? I very much still do and I always will. I know it sounds ridiculous because we're still young, but I know what I'm saying and that I mean it. These aren't the words of a teenager blinded by love, these are the words of a man who can finally see the world for what it is and who can also honestly say that he is completely, entierly and absolutely head over heels in love with you."

Kurt's eyes were wet and he didn't realize he was crying until he could see the tears create a pattern of dots on his pants.

"I love you too, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Kurt cried and hugged him tightly.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay." Blaine hushed him and rubbed his back.

Kurt only cried harder, because Blaine had _no idea_ what he was really apologizing for.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt woke up with a weird feeling in his stomach. He rolled over in the bed and bumped into something.

Someones body.

Blaine's body.

Kurt swallowed thickly and took in the beauty that was his sleeping boyfriend. He hated himself for hurting this beautiful, kind and amazing man. Especially since he knew all about his rough past.

Blaine had been through a lot, with his parents not accepting his sexuality, with bullying that had been so bad he had ended up in the hospital several times before he finally transfered schools.

Now his parents were fine, though his relationship with his dad wasn't the greatest. It was stiff and awkward, not carefree and honest like it had once been.

Kurt's stomach was in knots and he felt sick for probably the hundreth time since he arrived in Florida, fifteen days ago.

Blaine had noticed that he was acting weird but had been kind enough not to question him about it. They had been doing lots of things together which included Blaine showing him his favorite places in the city, eating at nice restaurants and also sex. A lot of sex. And cuddling.

It was too easy to forget the mess that he was in when he was around Blaine. Blaine made him feel so alive and perfectly happy. And between dancing around in the kitchen while cooking together and driving Cooper crazy with the mess they made after, Kurt found himself enjoying this a lot more than he should and forgetting why he was here in the first place. What he was supposed to do - and should have done - days ago.

But then there was the times when he was painfully reminded of his mistake and the anxiety he was feeling because of it hit him hard.

Right now was one of those times.

Actually, every morning was. He'd wake up, feeling completely satisfied but then he'd roll over and look at Blaine's peaceful sleeping form, and he'd feel everything but good.

Blaine stirred awake and the second his eyes were focused on him, he smiled.

"Hi." He said, voice raspy.

"Hi." Kurt replied, trying to smile back but it wasn't nearly as genuine as he hoped it would be.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah." Kurt lied. "You?"

Blaine nodded, kissing him softly. "I always sleep well next to you." He cuddled closer.

Kurt wrapped his arm around him, hoping to God Blaine couldn't feel how fast his heart was beating.

But instead of _Blaine_ feeling something, Kurt definitely felt something _hard_ poke his thigh.

He froze and his eyes started stinging. Normally he would be on his knees right away, so to speak, but it felt so wrong to do this since he was a fucking liar.

"Oh." Kurt bit his lip hard.

Blaine started kissing him. "I had a dream about you, babe…" He said in a breathy voice between the kisses.

"Y-You did?"

"Mhm." Blaine hummed. "God, you were making me feel so good. Will you make me feel good? Please, baby."

Kurt nodded. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was just that if Blaine knew where his mouth had been a little over two weeks ago, he definitely wouldn't want those lips around his cock.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll make you feel good." Kurt whispered and kissed him hard before kissing down his stomach.

Blaine sat up a little, leaning back on his elbows as Kurt disappeared under the covers.

* * *

"You guys know I can hear you, right?"

Blaine and Kurt turned and looked at each other for a second before looking back at Cooper, who was seated across from them by the kitchen table where they were currently having breakfast.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked casually and started spreading butter on his toast.

"I mean, that I understand that you've been apart for a long time and that you miss each other and stuff, but it's not all that nice to wake up to my little brother moaning like some kind of animal that hasn't been discovered yet."

Kurt choked on his orange juice. "I… uh…" He blushed furiously.

"Maybe you should invest in some earplugs." Blaine shrugged.

"Hey, this is my house. Save the _intimacy _for when I'm not at home."

"Yes, I'm sorry." Kurt said because he had probably never been more uncomfortable in his life. Except for that time when his dad had had _the talk_ with him when he was sixteen, nothing could top that.

"Okay, okay." Blaine said and rolled his eyes.

"Well, I gotta get to work. See you guys later!" Cooper stood up, grabbed his keys and then walked out the door.

"That was beyond embarrassing, Blaine!" Kurt whined. "We are not doing _anything_ unless he's out."

Blaine laughed softly. "You know, he's kind of a hypocrite."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't think he ever brings anyone home, do you? Cause he does. A lot. And I hear him and whatever girl he's with at the moment." Blaine shrugged. "But then again it's his house and I bought earplugs so I'm fine."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I thought he was with that girl… what's her name again? Arianna?"

Blaine shook his head as he sipped his coffee. "Oh no. They broke up a few months ago. He didn't take it very well, you know, they had been together for years. So now he's in that 'don't want to get attached' phase."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Is he okay, though?"

"Yeah, yeah." Blaine nodded. "He's over her now."

"That's good-" Kurt was interrupted by his phone ringing.

Blaine's eyes fell on his phone which was on the table. "Oh, it's Rachel. I wonder what she want."

"Damn." Kurt said under his breath and grabbed the phone. "I'll be right back." He stood up and walked outside before answering. "Hey, Rachel."

"_Kurt. Look, I need you to come home. Right now."_

Kurt frowned. "What? Is something wrong?"

"_Yes, but I'm fine, don't worry about that. But you have to come home."_

"Can you tell me what's going on? You're kind of freaking me out right now."

"_Kurt… I- this is not something I want to do over the phone. Just come home and I'll tell you everything, okay?"_

Kurt sighed and shut his eyes.

"_Have you told him yet?"_

"No."

"_You have to. Go pack your bags, tell him and then come home. This is serious."_

Kurt nodded, knots of worry already forming in his gut. "Right, okay. Just… hang in there, yeah?"

"_Yes. Okay, see you at home."_

She hung up.

Kurt stared at his phone and shook his head a few times. He inhaled and exhaled before walking back inside.

This was it. He was gonna tell Blaine. He had to. This was his punishment for waiting so long.

Blaine turned in his chair once he heard the door open and close. "Is she alright?"

Kurt sat down. "I… no, but that's not important right now. I have to tell you something. It's something I should have told you as soon as I got here but I've been a coward and putting it aside for way too long."

Blaine frowned and turned fully so he was facing Kurt completely. He grabbed his hand. "Kurt, what's going on?"

Kurt shut his eyes. His heart was beating so hard and fast it felt like he couldn't breathe. He opened his eyes, they were burning with unshead tears. He forced them back because he would _not _cry right now. "I've done something terrible."

Blaine only frowned more. "That doesn't say much."

Kurt saw no reason to try to sugarcoat anything so he just blurted it out. "I had sex with Rachel."

The silence that followed lasted for what was probably only a minute, but felt like an eternity.

Then Blaine opened his mouth to speak but he shut it and frowned. Like he was genuinely confused. "What?" He eventually said and let go of Kurt's hand.

Kurt swallowed thickly and felt his heart break slightly at the loss of contact. "I'm sorry. We got drunk and it just… happened. Then she admitted to having a crush on me and we did it again and again and I just couldn't stop because I _liked_ it. But God, Blaine, I knew it was wrong and I hated myself for doing that and I was so confused but…" He trailed off and paused for a moment. Then he continued: "I knew I had to tell you. But I wanted to do it face-to-face, so I came here and I was going to tell you right away but I… I had missed you so much. I know it was beyond selfish but I couldn't not be with you."

Tears were forming in Blaine's eyes and he looked so hurt and brutally heartbroken. The betrayal he must be feeling was unimaginable to Kurt. Then he started looking angry, like fire was blazing in those, usually so kind and loving, hazel eyes.

"You kept me in the dark for so long and then another two weeks when you actually came here," Blaine started and he didn't sound like himself. His voice was so different Kurt barely recognized it. It was _cold_ and lacked emotion. "You let me hold you, kiss you and have sex with you. These two weeks have all been a lie and you've used me and allowed me to think that everything was okay."

"I'm sorry." Kurt's voice came out as small as he felt.

"How could you?!" Blaine yelled and he looked like he was actually going to cry. "How could you do that to me? I thought you loved me!"

"I do, Blaine. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life and you couldn't possibly hate me more than I hate myself-"

"Of course not!" Blaine yelled as a tear escaped his right eye. "Because I don't hate you! I fucking love you! I've spent months and months missing you, going crazy and crying myself to sleep the first weeks we were apart because you weren't here with me. And while I've been doing that you've been fucking someone else! Do you have any idea what that feels like? I've never felt worse in my entire life. I- I can't even look at you!"

Kurt was crying too, despite his efforts not to. "I'm sorry. Please, you have to believe me."

Blaine stood up and wiped his eyes. "I just…" He looked at Kurt and it was like his eyes were reflecting his shattered heart. He shut his eyes as more tears fell and then he stood up and walked out of the house.

"No, Blaine…" Kurt called after him but it was too late. The door slammed shut and Kurt crawled into a ball and cried his heart out. He had lost his boyfriend, his true love.

It wasn't like he had expected Blaine to forgive him but some stupid, irrational part of him had still hoped that he would. And now when he realized that wasn't the case, he was more heartbroken than he thought was possible.

* * *

Hours later Blaine returned. Kurt was seated by the table and his head immediately snapped up once he heard him walk into the kitchen.

Blaine's eyes were red and puffy, but he wasn't crying anymore. He just looked tired and really sad. He walked up to Kurt and crossed his arms over his chest. "I think you should go back to New York." He said, voice slightly raspy.

Kurt stood up. "Wh-What?"

"I want you to pack your bags and go back." Blaine said.

"No. Not until we have solved this." Kurt said stubbornly.

"There is nothing to solve!" Blaine said in annoyance. "In case that wasn't obvious, we're over. I'm done. And I don't want you here anymore."

Kurt's heart ached impossibly more. "Blaine…" He whispered.

"No. Just don't, okay? Go home to Rachel. I bet she misses you." He mumbled and disappeared into the bathroom.

Kurt held back a sob as he walked upstairs and began to pack. He was awfully slow and once Cooper returned he could hear him asking Blaine what was going on and Blaine murmuring something.

He dragged his suitcase down the stairs and was met with Blaine, who wouldn't meet his eyes, and Cooper, who looked confused.

"Kurt, are you leaving? Weren't you supposed to stay for another week?" He asked.

"I was, but… I'm not." He answered, quietly. "I'm sorry, Blaine, I really am."

Blaine looked up but once their eyes met he looked like he was going to cry again so he looked away.

"You guys broke up or something? Come on, we can fix this, right? You guys can work this out."

"No, we can't!" Blaine snapped. "Just let him go."

Cooper frowned. "But you've been together forever-"

"Bye, Cooper." Kurt said and tried to smile but it hurt to smile because it felt so fake. Then he opened the door and walked out, jumping into the cab he had called. Once it started driving away, he allowed himself to cry.

* * *

The flight home was hell and Kurt felt numb from all the crying once he reached the door of his and Rachel's apartment. But even if his body was numb, his heart still ached. He was so worn out from crying that he just wanted to sleep.

He opened the door and stepped inside, dragging his suitcase after him.

"Oh thank God, you're home!" Rachel threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly.

Kurt kind of wanted to cry again because until now he didn't realize how badly he needed a hug. He hugged her back almost too tightly, burying his face in her neck and inhaling her familiar scent.

"Rachel." He sobbed as new tears started falling.

She pulled away. "Oh my God, he broke up with you, didn't he?"

Kurt only nodded and cried harder.

"I'm so sorry." She said and wiped his tears. "I really am."

Kurt shook his head. "I deserved it. I… I fucked up so badly."

"Hey, it's okay. You're only human."

"It's not okay but, thank you. I don't know how I would get through this without you."

Rachel smiled sadly. "I love you, Kurt."

"I love you too." He smiled back, slightly. Then he remembered. "Oh, right! Something had happened. What is it? Are you sure you're okay?" He wiped the rest of his tears.

Rachel's smile fell. "Look… we don't have to do this. At least not right now. You're already so worn out…"

"Rachel, I'm fine. I can take it. Just tell me."

Rachel sighed and looked down at her feet before meeting his eyes again. "Remember the night before you left?"

Kurt blushed slightly, thinking back. "Yeah…"

"We had sex, yeah. Do you remember what we forgot when we did?"

Kurt frowned, deep in thought and then shook his head. "No… what did we forget?"

"Protection." She sighed and grabbed his hands. "Kurt, I'm pregnant."

TBC


End file.
